His Two Dads

Joseph sat out behind his home, looking up at the stars. She'd just told him. Just told him about the child. But he never lay with her, so his wife was clearly an adulteress.

But, the thing of it was, she swore she was still a virgin. So much so, and with such conviction, he'd taken her to those who knew the details of such things and had it confirmed for him that it was so. He'd endured much derision and mockery when word of THAT got around.

But there was still the matter of the child.

So he was out looking up at the stars, pondering the mystery of his pregnant virgin wife, when God came to see him.

"Joseph."

Joseph looked around, startled. "Who...?"

"You know me, Joseph."

Joseph shook his head. "No. No, that just can't be."

"Yes it can, and it is." God heaved a sigh that filled the heavens. Always with these people he had to go through this. Did he need to set something on fire EVERY time he showed up?

Joseph fell to his knees and bowed his head in prayer. "O' Lord, I am not--"

"Right. Great. Thanks." God's impatience blotted the light of the sun, and distant thunder cracked in annoyance. "Listen, I wanted to come around and clear something up."

"Clear..." Joseph raised an eyebrow.

"The thing with Mary. The whole pregnant with no sex situation she finds herself in."

"Yes! I've found it most perplexing, and I cannot for the life of me figure out how--" Realization dawned. "Ohhhhh."

"There we go. Get it now?"

Joseph considered this news. "So, wait. My wife is pregnant with your child?"

"My son, actually, but yes. And don't worry, nothing untoward went on. I'm not really into that... at least not, you know, with...mortals."

Joseph nodded, dumbfounded. He grabbed around behind him for a chair, but ended up on the ground. "But... but... but..."

"But why? Simple. I want my son to be half human, to be someone like me, who can learn to be someone like you." There was a pause. Clouds raced across the sky, and Joseph fancied he was watching God's thoughts chase one another through his mind.

"Very poetic, Joseph. And somewhat apt. But, to finish answering your question, I chose Mary because she seems to have all the qualities I like best in you people. And if my son is going to be half human, I want him to come from someone worthwhile."

Joseph managed a short bow. "That's very kind of you."

"And then there's you."

"M-me, Lord?"

"Yes. Well, I'm not going to go through all this trouble finding the ideal mother for my child if he's only going to be raised by a complete lout. Hence, you."

Joseph bowed again, lower this time. "You honor me, Lord. I... I don't..."

"Just take care of my son."

And then Joseph was alone once more, looking up at the stars. And from that night on, they would never look the same to him again.